I've been really struggling lately with the miscarriage. We decided to try to conceive (TTC) again this cycle with hopes that maybe we'd luck out. I'm still waiting to find out the results. It's so hard though. This was my third miscarriage. We had two before my son and now this one on our second round of TTC. It is terribly difficult to see everyone around me with their large families and feel like I'm static. We could easily have a second or be on a third child by now. I just find it painful that we're still waiting. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond grateful for my son's presence in our lives. He is my greatest joy. I truly just want him to experience a sibling and the joy that eventually comes from that special kind of love. For now, I'm trying hard to offer my pains for those in purgatory. I manage better on some days than others. I'm sure that my prayer life could use a tweaking, too. There are times when I so easily find myself going to God, and then I feel like my rollercoaster changes and I'm not praying as well. Then I feel guilty. It's cyclical for me and I wish that it wasn't. I guess that's a daily decision that I really need to make more often. Hopefully, Lent will give me that opportunity. Or maybe I should say, maybe Lent will give me a reason to push harder to make that adjustment. In the meantime, I also need to start invoking the intercession of a few saints again. Is there a saint for the agony of the dreaded "Two Week Wait"? That time when you know that you have ovulated but no pregnancy test can possibly tell you if you are pregnant yet? Believe me, they sure arent' telling me anything. I've tested about 4 or 5 times this week. Kind of sad, huh?
I've also found it hard b/c my son is two and apparently that is the time to start trying again. At least in other people's minds. We've been fielding questions of when we'll have our second and it's tough. I've finally decided that I'm telling the truth, and you can deal with the backlash of your question. It's kind of a rude question really, however, well-intentioned. To me, it's the equivalent of "Did you get laid last night?" Short of a frat-boy, who asks that as an adult. But, when it comes to children, it's an acceptable question. Is it really all that different though? :)
