A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

• I've been reading A Biblical Walk Through the Mass by Dr. Edward Sri for a church bible study.  It's been pretty thought provoking.  I'm only through Part 2, but I think that it really is allowing me to deepen my understanding of the Mass and the whole Mass.  So far, it has really helped me to become more deliberate with the sign of the cross.  I never realized the meaning and significance of this outward sign.  Now, I was never "swatting flies", but I feel like I can do it more reverently and and with greater intention.  It just feels more powerful, having read his reflections on the act.  His basic premise was that the sign of the cross is an act of self-protection and a sign of your deep faith in Christ.  I hope you'll take the time to read this book, especially with the coming Mass changes, as I feel it has the ability to really deepen your experience in the Mass.
• I've also started reading "The boy who came back from heaven" by Kevin Malarkey.  It's not Church-sanctioned, but I think it will be an interesting read, taken with a grain of salt.  I'm fascinated by stories of near-death experiences. The stories that come back from Heaven, about Our Lord, are just so interesting to me.  I know we don't have to "believe" them, yet I really like just an idea of what may await us.
• The new television schedule has been fun.  I love when the seasons start for my favorite shows, or finding new shoes.  One of "my" shows has been Guiliana and Bill.  I really identified with the fertility troubles that they are experiencing, though mine were different.  It does kind of tear at my heart to watch them go through their IVF, from two perspectives.  The first, is the obvious one, I remember how hard it was to try to conceive and I can still tap all those emotions that we experienced before our son came along.  The second, however, regardless of the empathy I feel for the couple, I struggle with the idea that they are creating so many embryos to just destroy the majority of them.  The most recent episode included a scene with a genetic counselor saying "We will create many embryos, so that we can increase our odds.  Our hope is to avoid you experiencing this again." Every fiber of my being was screaming, "What about the other babies?!?!  What are you going to to do with ALL of the embryos you create."  I guess while a big part of me totally identifies with that desire to have a child, part of me struggles with the idea of creating babies to destroy babies.  Having had three early losses, the idea of technically "conceiving" babies and then destroying them is incomprehensible to me.  This isn't judgment, so much as deep angst and grief for those little ones who don't survive.  (And maybe the hope that more in the world will share this view someday.  I hate the idea that "embryos" are seen as less than human, yet pregnant dogs seem to be given more protection from violence for their young.)

The Unintentional Lactivist

When I had my son, I always planned to breastfeed.  It was important to me.  I hoped that maybe if I did, he would avoid the horrible allergies that I had growing up.  Kleenex-box-in-every-room-and-the-car allergies.  Immunology-shot allergies.  So I nursed him.  I kept that up for nearly two years with desperate hopes that maybe he would be saved from what I felt was a curse.  I was certain that breastfeeding imparted some sort of protection because of the very scientific evidence of my sister and me.  My mom could only nurse me for four months, my sister went for fourteen.  Guess who didn't have allergies?  (Or not many to speak of, anyway.)

So, I nursed and in public, even with my nursing cover, I was a little timid.  It felt like the whole world was watching me and it made me feel like I had to watch when I did or did not do it.  It probably didn't help that my mom was a little neurotic about it all, freaking out that someone might see me.  Okay, she was truly supportive, just still neurotic. I did alright, but never truly felt comfortable.  Ultimately by 23 months, I was tired of him climbing all over me, and felt I had really given it my best shot.  My goal had really only been one year, anyway. So we worked on weaning and I cherish the relationship we developed.

Fast-forward three years to baby #2.  Maybe it is the fact that I had so much time under my belt from the first one.  Maybe I've just become less self-concious. All I know is that I'm nursing when and where I need to this time around.  I still cover myself as much as possible, but I will nurse her when she needs.  That's a warning to anyone who wants to give me guff for it.  I've had my share of people staring incredulously while I pull on the cover, latch her on and then proceed to walk behind my son.  Maybe their awed by my super-duper breastfeeding skills.  haha  I really feel as if they are saying, "What are you doing nursing her like that here?!?!  Shouldn't you find a corner?"  Thankfully, no one has called me out on it because they might have heard an earful.

And that's what I mean when I say that I've become an unintentional lactivist. I think breastfeeding, if you can do it, is best.  I think that extended breastfeeding is even better for sake of immunity.  There are those pushing me right now to start solids, and I will soon, but starting purely because she is 6 months old seems like a silly reason to me.  I've done the research, exclusive breastfeeding through 7 months increases the likelihood of your child avoiding anemia.  Iron is more readily accessible in breastmilk.  I decided to wait.  It just strikes me as funny that in three short years, I've become so comfortable.

I was struck the other day by the thought that Mary probably breastfed Jesus when and where he needed it.  They probably didn't have the same taboos as we do today, because there was no formula.  People weren't offended because that was just how babies ate.  I cannot imagine that Mary would look down at her baby and say, "Well this is not only my child but my God, however I am not going to feed him right now because someone might be uncomfortable."  Same is true for me.

Prayers needed!

An old classmate of mine from high school posted today that her baby has a malignant brain tumor.  Please send all the prayers that you can out for her family.  I cannot imagine the graces that they will need to get through this.  She has an extremely positive attitude, and I'm just hoping he is the little fighter that she seems to be! 

As an aside, St. Peregrine is the patron saint of cancer patients.  If you ever need him, now you will know who can pray for you.  We do not pray to saints, only ask that they pray for us in times of need.