A Hodgepodge of Thoughts

• I've been reading A Biblical Walk Through the Mass by Dr. Edward Sri for a church bible study.  It's been pretty thought provoking.  I'm only through Part 2, but I think that it really is allowing me to deepen my understanding of the Mass and the whole Mass.  So far, it has really helped me to become more deliberate with the sign of the cross.  I never realized the meaning and significance of this outward sign.  Now, I was never "swatting flies", but I feel like I can do it more reverently and and with greater intention.  It just feels more powerful, having read his reflections on the act.  His basic premise was that the sign of the cross is an act of self-protection and a sign of your deep faith in Christ.  I hope you'll take the time to read this book, especially with the coming Mass changes, as I feel it has the ability to really deepen your experience in the Mass.
• I've also started reading "The boy who came back from heaven" by Kevin Malarkey.  It's not Church-sanctioned, but I think it will be an interesting read, taken with a grain of salt.  I'm fascinated by stories of near-death experiences. The stories that come back from Heaven, about Our Lord, are just so interesting to me.  I know we don't have to "believe" them, yet I really like just an idea of what may await us.
• The new television schedule has been fun.  I love when the seasons start for my favorite shows, or finding new shoes.  One of "my" shows has been Guiliana and Bill.  I really identified with the fertility troubles that they are experiencing, though mine were different.  It does kind of tear at my heart to watch them go through their IVF, from two perspectives.  The first, is the obvious one, I remember how hard it was to try to conceive and I can still tap all those emotions that we experienced before our son came along.  The second, however, regardless of the empathy I feel for the couple, I struggle with the idea that they are creating so many embryos to just destroy the majority of them.  The most recent episode included a scene with a genetic counselor saying "We will create many embryos, so that we can increase our odds.  Our hope is to avoid you experiencing this again." Every fiber of my being was screaming, "What about the other babies?!?!  What are you going to to do with ALL of the embryos you create."  I guess while a big part of me totally identifies with that desire to have a child, part of me struggles with the idea of creating babies to destroy babies.  Having had three early losses, the idea of technically "conceiving" babies and then destroying them is incomprehensible to me.  This isn't judgment, so much as deep angst and grief for those little ones who don't survive.  (And maybe the hope that more in the world will share this view someday.  I hate the idea that "embryos" are seen as less than human, yet pregnant dogs seem to be given more protection from violence for their young.)

Life Is Sweet!

That was the inscription on the decorations for the tables, today, at a reception that we attended.  It was also basically the theme of the weekend- truly a celebration of life.  (And my main excuse for not getting to this blog in a few days.  Sorry!)

Yesterday, my husband rode in a ride for the MS Society.  (While I think the connections are morally black, he decides what he wants to do, so ride he does...)  He biked 35-miles, with the option of going farther, however the weather was rainy and we had a birthday party to attend.  Celebration #1 was the ride.  From the MS ride, we drove to the 1st birthday party of our friends' baby daughter. The theme was music. There were nine children between the ages of four and six months.  It was truly a fun time watching all of the children interact and have fun.  The babies were having fun with the other babies and the big kids were having their own fun.  Adults, of course, served as entourage for the children: schlepping, feeding, cleaning, photo taking.  But really, it was a great time for all, and all were perfectly tired following celebration of life numero dos.

Today we awoke and after my son exited School of Religion, Pre-K, we drove to yet another birthday party.  This time, the celebrant turned 2 and the theme was trucks.  Our friends' son had a pretty good time, though he napped through the first half hour as everyone arrived.  He seemed happy to play with all the children, though.  Again, another nine children, not all the same, but similar age range as some of the families did repeat.  It was nice to catch up with the respective families at each celebration. Part of growing up, is meeting new people and the families that helped form them, but the catch is that even if you develop good relationships with the extended family, you really don't see them as often as you would like.  Birthdays are an excellent opportunity to catch up.

Our third celebration ended, and we moved on to celebration number four.  Definitely a more somber celebration than the first three, but just as important.  A dear friend of ours, that we have known for nine years now, was diagnosed with breast cancer almost six months ago.  She endured a double-mastectomy and chemotherapy over the summer, and for now, prognosis seems good.  We attended a beautiful Mass of Thanksgiving, and then the reception that followed.  It was beautiful:  pink everywhere, friends that most of us have not seen in months, and candy/sweets as far as the eye can see.  It was like falling into the cotton candy bin, though the candy was far more varied.  Our friend looked beautiful, regardless of the fact that she had lost her hair and that she had been through so much, she glowed with the promise of future days with friends and family.  It was touching to see her parents there to support her.  I was struck by the fact that they too were once holding their baby girl not knowing what awaited them so many years later.  It made me sad, but gave me hope for them and hope for each of us out there.  We all have our trials and tribulations.  We all have so many, many blessings to be thankful for, but God walks us through each step along the way.  He provides us with so much: comfort, strength, moments of joy.

The priest today gave a beautiful homily discussing the Gospel story: the workers who were paid the same regardless of when they came.  He made a point that I'd never heard when hearing this story before.  The workers that were chosen first were likely the strongest and the most able to give a full days work.  Those chosen later on in the day, were likely the weaker or less healthy or possibly women and children, who also needed a days wages.  The wages in that time were just enough to feed your family and yourself.  So, the master, was making sure that regardless of ability, everyone received what they needed.  He was not trying to gyp the first workers, only ensuring that those who were least able to work could still eat and feed their families.  Father said that we should remember in those times that seem unfair, that God is providing us with what we need and nothing more.  He is making good out of our experiences and helping changes take place that can increase our holiness.

It hit me in that moment.  It truly felt like the priest was talking to me.  Maybe it was the location.  We were married in the same church almost six and a half years ago, and experienced both the miscarriages in that church.  Walking in today, that was on my mind, but after the homily, it occurred to me that maybe it was in some way to lead us to the parish that is now our home.  I'm NOT saying that God caused the miscarriages, but rather that out of the pain, He led us to our current beautiful home.  A place of great growth and great peace, amazing friends and a pastor for whom I never cease to be thankful.  Beautiful things can come out of great sorrow, and yes my friends, life is sweet!

Since it's ilegible: "Alleluia, Salvation, and glory, and honor, and power, unto the Lord Christ Jesus!"

Cleaning continues

We were able to take all of the items that I wanted to donate to the drop-off this weekend.  It felt SO good!  I was tired of looking at all of that STUFF that we no longer used or needed.  What a great way to start a new year.  (I think I've always considered August the start of the year instead of January, thanks to school....but that is a different topic.)

Anywho, today was Clean Out Dear Son's Closet day.  We have noticed that we keep grabbing clothes from his closet that are too small and on our newly growth-spurted child,  (I know, I know, terrible word choice.  What can you do? ha)  the clothes were looking a little shrunken.  Today, he as at school and I decided to use my daughter's nap as a time to sort through and fold all the clothes that are currently residing in his closet when they should be in storage.  I keep nearly all of his outgrown clothes for future children.  And really, I love "girling" up some of this more neutral clothes.  It represents a fun challenge that also leaves my daughter looking cute but not overly girly.  (Pink makes me want to vomit.  But that, too, is a subject for another time.)

Naptime commenced and I tackled that closet like a linebacker on opening day.  The sorting and folding really did not take me too long, and now I have a gorgeous closet that can hold ONLY the clothing that he can wear.  My hope is that if I really use September to knock out all of the organization that has been desperately needed for months, maybe October can be a fun month of crafts for my son and myself.  I plan to make costumes, so I'll need the time and organized house to accomplish that one.  I'm thinking St. Michael the Archangel and a baby angel, this year.

What about you- any big fall projects or checklists?  What are you going to do for Halloween?  (I'll share more about my plans later.  C'mon, it's only mid-September.)

Am I Raising a Monster?

My family was kind of interesting growing up.  My dad was a social worker who always wanted to know how we "felt about that", almost ad nauseum, we felt.  Sometimes, it felt like that question was asked when toast burned. My mom was more of a my way or the highway type.  If you didn't tow the line, punishments were delivered, and they didn't always fit the "crime".  I spent a third of my freshman year grounded for rolling my uniform skirt.

So,  I struggle to raise my kids.  Well, mainly at this point, my son, as my daughter is still an infant not requiring discipline.  My son. I love the boy dearly.  He is my pride and joy.  And agitation and irritation.  He is all that in one.  Raising Your Spirited Child was written about my son.  He is a great kid.  He also has more energy and persistence and intelligence than one adult can manage for too long.  

My husband travels often, so you can imagine where this leaves me.  At moments like today, it means that I secretly relish the timeouts that I have to deliver because it is a BREAK for me.  It sounds terrible, I know.  But, I'm at my wits end. I did not grow up in a spanking family and do not want to become one.  I don't exactly want to repeat the discipline of my childhood, but the methods that I'm trying to learn, leave me floundering to catch up.  I have this constant feeling of not measuring up as a parent, especially since my mother thinks the method is insane. She thinks he gets too many choices and rules the roost. I think that I'm managing as well as I can.  She thinks he is disrespectful because he doesnt' do what she wants the minute she wants him to do it.  

I struggle.  My desire is to use mostly Love and Logic, mixed with "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline"  These are excellent methods that work on fostering a good rapport with parents, offering choices, and including consequences, as needed.  I feel that this method most closely resembles what Christ would expect  of parents.  I believe that Our Lord gave us our children because he trusted us to do our best by them.  To me, a gentle method of discipline is that way.  The issue?  My husband who isn't around is having a hard time learning to use it.  My mom who helps out often, cannot figure out how to do it either.  Her way of incorporating the method is to offer "choices" that are merely thinly veiled threats.  (ie. You can either clean the toys or you can go to your room.)  I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall because there is a way that I want to raise my son and it does not include threatening him to do things.  Then, after spending so much time with my mom, I find myself backsliding into do just that.  My goal is to raise our children in a peaceful house that encourages critical thinking and problem solving, not manipulation and threats.  

On the positive side, I feel that he does really handle himself around other adults.  He will listen to them and do as he is asked.  He is very comfortable with them and ready to tell them his thoughts.  I like that he has that confidence, and only hope it is due to the fact that we fostered it at home during day-to-day activities.  The times when my son acts up most are when he is with family.  When he feels most comfortable and loved.  That is a great thing and a hard thing.  All I want is to know that at the end of my parenting journey, I've raised the best children that I can.  Or rather, competent and upstanding members of society.  

What do you think?  Am I choosing the wrong way?  

Prayer to St. Joseph

I found this prayer printed like a card, and laminated in a stack at my church one day.  I loved the sentiment and took one home.  I keep it in my car and read it especially if we are headed on a trip.  But, honestly my favorite part is the exhortation to keep it on your person.  Does on the car visor count?

Oh, St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God. I place in you all my interests and desires. Oh, St. Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession, and obtain for me from your devine Son all spiritual blessings, throughJesus Christ, our Lord. So that, having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of Fathers. Oh, St. Joseph, I never weary of contemplating you, and Jesusasleep in your arms; I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me and ask him to return the Kiss when I draw my dying breath. St. Joseph, Patron of departing souls - Pray for me. This prayer was found in the fiftienth year of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In 1505 it was sent from the Pope to Emperor Charles when he was going into battle. Whoever shall read this prayer or hear it or keep it about themselves, shall never die a sudden death, or be drowned, not shall posion take effect of them; neither shall they fall into the hands of the enemy; or shall be burned in any fire, or shall be overpowered in battle. Say for nine mornings for anything you may desire. It has never been known to fail, so be sure you really want what you ask.

 Part of me struggles with whether or not this is superstitious, and the other part of me just says that it is faith in intercession.  Either way, today, after all of the threats and security warnings, I asked my husband if he would please recite the prayer before flying this week.  I just feel a little more peace knowing that St. Joseph will be praying for my husband.  What do you think, superstition or not?  May St. Joseph keep you in his prayers, as well!

Where Were They?

September 11, 2001 also had a great impact on a few friends that we have come to know since that fateful day.  I thought I'd share their stories because they are such a testament to strength and God's invisible hand.

My Son's Godfather

I didn't find out until a few years after we met him, that J's presence in our life was lucky.  He was one of the "survivors" of the World Trade Center building.  Survivor is in quotes only due to the coincidental circumstances of his story.  J worked at Lehman Brothers in the Towers.  On the morning of the attacks, his alarm failed to go off.  He awoke and headed to work, finding out along the way that something had occurred.  Not knowing what was happening, he decided to continue heading in.  When nearly there, in the World Trade Center area, he was suddenly told that they should go to a nearby building as they were not sure what was happening and wanted them to be safe in the perimeter.  Soon after heading that way, and nearly upon arrival at the building, the first tower fell.  He and several others stayed in the building until they were told it was safe to continue on.  When given clearance, J headed on home.  Like many in his situation, he ended up walking all the way home due to the shutdowns of the transportation system.

His family had been placing phone calls.  They lived across the country and were obviously worried about his safety.  His roommates had all but come to terms with the fact that J likely wasn't coming home that day.  That evening, J, covered in white soot, walked into the apartment, and his roommate said he felt like it was seeing a ghost.  Years later at his wife's bridal shower, his mother gave a moving speech about her joy in seeing this day come given what could have been.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.  J has been a great godfather and is an upstanding Catholic.  While I'm sure he constantly questions why him and what he is supposed to do now, those of us that know him are thankful for his presence in our lives.

My Dear CRHP Sister

M and her new husband, R, went to New York on their honeymoon.  They were touring the area and had plans to go to Washington D.C. sometime around September 13.  The day the attacks happened, R kept trying to convince her to go to the World Trade Center.  M adamantly refused.  She did not want to be there and really had no interest in seeing the location.  At the time of the attacks, they were in their hotel room and thought that there was an earthquake.  They left their room thinking they needed to be evacuating the building.  Instead, they were told of the events and went back up to their room.

They rode out some time in the room, watching the news and looking out their window to see what they could.  While the plan for the honeymoon had been more extensive and included a trip up the East Coast, they decided to cut their losses and head home.  They rented the last car out of New York and drove nonstop until they reached home many hours later.  M is one of the sweetest and most giving people that I know.  She and her husband are gentle and have a deep faith.  I find that she makes me want to work harder to be a better Catholic.

In recounting these stories, I am consumed with the gratitude for the ability to see God's hand in the lives of the survivors.  I think stories like these allow us to know that even in the midst of great tragedy, God is there and He does still care.  My heart goes out to all those who lost loved ones on this terrible day.  The day likely goes down as the worst day ever for many.  And yet, out of that darkness are tiny beams of light.  Little stirrings to show us that we were not completely abandoned.  I pray that the Lord continues to bring healing to those who were adversely affected by the events of September 11. Prayers, too, extend to those who lost their lives in the aftermath. My heart is with you and yours.

Prayer to Defend Against Terrorism

St. Michael the Archangel Prayer, revised

Prayer to Saint Michael the Archangel

to end terrorism

The family of Saint Eleanor Catholic Church began praying this prayer soon after 9/11/01 to bring an end to terrorism.  Please join us.

Saint Michael the Archangel,

defend us in Battle.

You remained faithful

when others rebelled against God.

Prince of heavenly host,

by the power of God,

help us in our day

as we strive to stem

the rebellion and evil

that are rampant on all sides.

Keep us faithful to our God

as well as to our country

and our fellow human beings.

AMEN