Am I Raising a Monster?

My family was kind of interesting growing up.  My dad was a social worker who always wanted to know how we "felt about that", almost ad nauseum, we felt.  Sometimes, it felt like that question was asked when toast burned. My mom was more of a my way or the highway type.  If you didn't tow the line, punishments were delivered, and they didn't always fit the "crime".  I spent a third of my freshman year grounded for rolling my uniform skirt.

So,  I struggle to raise my kids.  Well, mainly at this point, my son, as my daughter is still an infant not requiring discipline.  My son. I love the boy dearly.  He is my pride and joy.  And agitation and irritation.  He is all that in one.  Raising Your Spirited Child was written about my son.  He is a great kid.  He also has more energy and persistence and intelligence than one adult can manage for too long.  

My husband travels often, so you can imagine where this leaves me.  At moments like today, it means that I secretly relish the timeouts that I have to deliver because it is a BREAK for me.  It sounds terrible, I know.  But, I'm at my wits end. I did not grow up in a spanking family and do not want to become one.  I don't exactly want to repeat the discipline of my childhood, but the methods that I'm trying to learn, leave me floundering to catch up.  I have this constant feeling of not measuring up as a parent, especially since my mother thinks the method is insane. She thinks he gets too many choices and rules the roost. I think that I'm managing as well as I can.  She thinks he is disrespectful because he doesnt' do what she wants the minute she wants him to do it.  

I struggle.  My desire is to use mostly Love and Logic, mixed with "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline"  These are excellent methods that work on fostering a good rapport with parents, offering choices, and including consequences, as needed.  I feel that this method most closely resembles what Christ would expect  of parents.  I believe that Our Lord gave us our children because he trusted us to do our best by them.  To me, a gentle method of discipline is that way.  The issue?  My husband who isn't around is having a hard time learning to use it.  My mom who helps out often, cannot figure out how to do it either.  Her way of incorporating the method is to offer "choices" that are merely thinly veiled threats.  (ie. You can either clean the toys or you can go to your room.)  I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall because there is a way that I want to raise my son and it does not include threatening him to do things.  Then, after spending so much time with my mom, I find myself backsliding into do just that.  My goal is to raise our children in a peaceful house that encourages critical thinking and problem solving, not manipulation and threats.  

On the positive side, I feel that he does really handle himself around other adults.  He will listen to them and do as he is asked.  He is very comfortable with them and ready to tell them his thoughts.  I like that he has that confidence, and only hope it is due to the fact that we fostered it at home during day-to-day activities.  The times when my son acts up most are when he is with family.  When he feels most comfortable and loved.  That is a great thing and a hard thing.  All I want is to know that at the end of my parenting journey, I've raised the best children that I can.  Or rather, competent and upstanding members of society.  

What do you think?  Am I choosing the wrong way?  

First Day of Preschool: Mommy Fail

Today was my son's first day of preschool!  *tear* It's hard to believe that he is that big already.  It was also a bit of a comedy of errors today.  The route I used to take to drop him off at Parent's Day Out (same building) was closed, unbeknownst to me.  So our decent time frame was killed by the detour.  We got a couple of great pictures and proceeded to his classroom, where the teacher was so intent on getting me to sign the pickup/dropoff form that I didn't get to hug him goodbye.  Well, he's used to the "school" building already, so he was ready to get going and didn't seem too upset.  I was probably more upset that I didn't get to give a hug on his very first day.

My daughter and I headed off to a nearby mall to kill time until pickup.  The school is far enough away that I don't feel like I can head home and have time to accomplish anything.  After spending some time together, I decided to look up the website to double check on pick up times.  I had two times stuck in my head and could not figure out which one was correct.  I check the website, and although it said Preschool-4s, I assumed times would be similar.  Big mistake!  Never assume...you know the rest.  So, the website said 11:25 and while 11:15 was also in my head, I just assumed that I had it right.  I pick up some cupcakes as a first day treat for his teachers and head to pick him up.

"Huh!  The parking lot looks kind of sparse! Surely more parents should be picking up!?!"  I unload my daughter, head in, and turning the corner, walk smack into my son and his teacher.  Uh, yeah.  Pickup was 11:15.  He looks concerned but runs past me because they had been headed to look at the fish tank.  After a quick apologetic talk with my teacher, I head back to see my son.  He is staring at the fish tank, but looks seriously deflated.  MOMMY FAIL!  I know it isnt' the end of the world, I just don't want his first day of school, ever to have such a negative memory.  I had all kinds of great ideas to make it special.  I'd gotten him a treat of a cookie at the bakery, and also some watercolor pencils to use at home. I was in a great mood and planning to take him out to lunch.  But, for quite awhile, a big fat cloud hung over us.  I tried talking to him but he was just upset.  He didn't want to tell me about his day.

We did lunch anyway, and slowly I was able to pry out a few different details.  Mostly, he didn't want to share.  It was not how I'd imagined: Showing up and giving him a huge hug, letting him give his teachers their treats, taking him to lunch while he bubbled over with stories for me.  Well, I do have big plans for dinner.  I'm making his favorite: spaghetti, and then he will get his special treat to celebrate.  Hopefully, it will make up for it all, and if not, I guess there is always next Tuesday.  I will be on time on both sides of the school day this time.  I've learned my lesson!

Peanut-free meal ideas (part deux)

Might as well make it cute!

Alright, back to my peanut free meal ideas.  This time I, hopefully (Lord willing, if naptime works out), will have the time to devote to the ideas that I have.  And....as I type this, I hear my dear daughter starting to fuss. Probably related to accidentally leaving my son's monitor on in my bedroom.  Whoops!  I'll start and pick up later, if need be.

• Bento Boxes!  My son loves when I do something similar to a Lunchable but with our regular items from home.  Too tell you the truth, I find Lunchables a little gastly.  But then, I don't like processed cheese.  Give me the real stuff any day!  So, I will either cut my son little cubes or slices of cheese and send those with rolled slices of ham or turkey.  I'll add some whole wheat crackers on the side and then include a couple of items like Annie's prebagged bunny grahams or (one of my favorites) Brother's freeze-dried fruit slices. You can find both at Costco, and I find  they make lunch packing a breeze!  Shelled, hard-boiled eggs are great, too.  Lots of protein and easy to make ahead at the beginning of the week.  I've also included a vegetable of some sort: carrots, steamed broccoli or steamed cauliflower.  Children LOVE dips, so I try to include something along those lines, too.  My son adores hummus- he will eat it with a spoon!  That is a common staple in our house, but if that's not the case for you, there are many options, depending on what you are serving:

• vinaigrette/ranch dressing
• applesauce
• alfredo
• pesto
• soy sauce
• mustard
• ketchup
• yogurt (With herbs, spices or honey)
• oils and herbs
• marinara
• curry sauces
• salsa
• guacamole
• sour cream (plain or with herbs mixed in)
• cream cheese (with honey and milk to thin it out a bit)

Baby calls!  I'll try to get back....

Other ideas:

• Obvious option: leftovers!  I just pack some in a Thermos and send him on his way.  His favorites tend to be pasta related. The nice thing about Thermos is that it regulates the temperature so I don't have to worry about food safety issues, since his school can't heat the meals.  
• Skewers would be a safety issue, but you can use a few pretzel sticks to "skewer" some meat and cheese.  
• Tuna salad made with olive oil, lemon juice and thawed frozen peas.  You can have them put it on crackers or cucumber slices, depending on whether your child likes tuna or cucumbers.  I think this sounds delicious, and I may have to make it for myself one of these days.  (Especially the cucumber option!)
• I like to send at least a veggie or a fruit with the meal, if not both.  I have been known to send plain black beans as a side.  I also like sliced apples, segmented oranges, melon chunks, halved grapes and strawberries.  For veggies, it's hard b/c he really only likes a few things that are easy to send, however, I have been known to mix them in with part of the meal.  I always try to add carrots and peas to rice, couscous, or quinoa.  I've found that rotisserie chicken or grilled chicken makes a great addition to the rice to turn it into a meal.  (Any other cooked meat works well, too.)
• Wraps: two ways, savory or sweet.  The nice thing about this option is that you have many options for wrappers as you do for fillings.  You can use tortillas, flatbread, lettuce, wonton wrappers or naan bread.  (Whole Foods has a fantastic whole wheat naan.  Makes my mouth water!)  I like to make it on top of waxed paper and then wrap it up so that you can slowly peel it down as you eat.  It keep everything from exploding out of the bottom of your wrap.  
• Savory- I love the usual sandwiches, made into a wrap.  There are as many options for this as there are for sandwiches.  You can go the veggie route, with sprouts, tomatoes, cucumber, spinach, hummus and cheese.  I like to use pesto as a spread with turkey or salami and fresh mozzarella cheese, and some veggies and fresh basil.  Mmm!  You could drizzle that with balsamic, too!  (Now, granted, some kids won't be that adventurous, so mayo, turkey/ham, cheese.  The end.)  Include pasta sauce or taco meat and make burritos or "sloppy wraps."  I did the "Sloppy Wrap" one day when desperate for a meal while we were all sick.  It's just leftover meat sauce, shredded mozz, rolled in flatbread, and then heated.  The cheese will melt and make it seem like pizza in a wrap.  Taco meat is obvious for fillings.  Just add your usual taco toppings and make it into a burrito....or just make a burrito!  haha  By that, I mean, people don't usually add rice and beans to tacos, so you can go either way.  
• Sweet:  At home, when I don't have to worry about nut allergies, I like to do my riff on a crepe. I take a whole wheat tortilla, smear it with nutella and peanut butter, then top it with banana slices and small chunks of chocolate.  Microwave.  Yum!  Now, I know this won't work at school, but I believe that you can transform it into a fun dessert (and maybe get in some more fruit) by using sunbutter, bananas and possibly chocolate sauce or chunks.  I'd microwave it at home, then send it to school.  Then you don't have to worry about burn injuries, and they get the fun of a "crepe".  I've also done something similar with butter, nectarine slices and a small amount of sugar.  You need to microwave this longer, or microwave the fruit first so that it becomes pretty soft.  Either way that you go, just fold the tortilla into quarters so that it resembles a triangle.  Then they can nibble away, while keep the mess to a (slight) minimum.  Other ideas: sweetened cream cheese with strawberries, cherries, kiwi, mango and/or chocolate.  Fruit salad mixed with some cream cheese or yogurt, then wrapped in a tortilla, burrito-style.  
• Baked potatoes: This sounds complicated, but it's almost the easiest.  It's kind of extends from the leftovers above. If you make baked potatoes for dinner, throw in a couple extra.  Then, you can send your child with the potato, and possibly leftover chili, soup or taco toppings.  Then there is the ubiquitous broccoli and cheese.  Just send all of the leftover toppings in a Thermos.  Your child can dump it on the potato (whole or half depending on appetites) when lunchtime arrives. They'll have hot toppings for their food, and a well-rounded meal!
• Pizza: Again, leftovers.  Or, make your own using naan or flatbread, jarred sauce and cheese.  Include your child's favorite toppings, if they extend beyond cheese pizza.  Cook the night before, slice, then pack and refrigerate.  Who doesn't like cold pizza?
• Breakfast!:  Who says that breakfast needs to be first thing in the morning?  Remember those hard boiled-eggs?  Include them whole, but shelled.  Add in french toast strips, pancakes, or waffle strips.  In our house, we dip more often with applesauce than syrup.  Include either (though I imagine that the lunch staff would appreciate applesauce over icky, sticky syrup.  Then again, send it on the same day the school lunch has syrup and then it won't be just your child that is the "troublemaker!"  Just kidding.  Or am I? *sly smile*)  You may also be able to manage breakfast meats in a thermos, but I admit that I haven't tried that one yet.  
• Sides for lunch:
• crackers
• pretzels
• cut fruit
• cut veggies
• Desserts:
• chocolate- esp. a few small pieces of dark...if they'll eat dark choc.  It's worth it for the antioxidants, though!
• graham crackers or bunnies
• freeze-dried fruit 
• tortilla "crepes" (mentioned above)
• pudding cups 
• jello 
• fruit mashups/smoothies
• "fruit crisp" 
• candy 
• cookies  
• A word on the "fruit crisp".  I figured this one out when I was living on my own after graduating from college.  I've always loved fruit and granola.  One day I heated the fruit in the microwave.  You need to do this until it bubbles and starts to soften the fruit.  Then I just top it with granola.  It comes out very similar to a fruit crisp, with less fat and sugar.  When you heat frozen fruit to this extent, the sugar in the juice seems to reduce into a syrup.  The granola has a similar texture to a crisp, minus the flour.  It's already somewhat sweetened, enough to add some sweetness to the fruit, and you don't have to add butter.  This seems to work best with peaches and raspberries.  
• The fruit "mashups" are those awesome little packets that come with a lid/straw combo.  The child unscrews the top, sucks it out of the straw, and then if there is any left, they pop the lid back on to save it.  Usually, we don't have any leftover, but I still think they are nice because they don't take up much space but add some fruit.  (Albeit, less fiber than a whole piece of fruit.)

I hope this helps you out!  If I come up with some other ideas, I'll try to add them in later.  Good luck and God bless in this new school year!  May it be safe and fun for everyone!

Floating away with our prayers

I'm certainly not ahead of the curve with talking about this, I'm sure, but I wanted to discuss the "balloon rosary" that was launched on August 15 in Chicago.  I don't know if there is a more innovative or breathtaking example of witness than this idea.  While I understand that it may have offended some, I think it is absolutely one of the best ideas that I've seen in awhile for reaching people and making them think about "life".  I mean that both in the respect that they were intending as a pro-life example, but also life in general.  It awakens your thoughts to contemplating God and your prayer life.  If I were to suddenly and unexpectedly see a rosary floating by, I'm pretty sure that it would encourage me to take a little time out to pray.  That's not a bad reaction to inspire.  It's interesting to ponder that floating rosary causing countless numbers of people to take a few minutes from their day to say a quick prayer.  That is power!  That is strength!  It is such a small act...although I imagine that it took some time to assemble the rosary, but it is so dramatic and poignant.  We don't need to beat people over the head with the harsh parts of life and especially the pro-life movement when more subtle actions can have a greater affect on the hearts of many.

I love too, that this was an idea from a group of children.  Children are here to speak to us.  They have more wisdom that we sometimes credit them with possessing.  As a parent though, I'm often stunned and humbled by how quickly my son can get to the heart of the matter.  "Out of the mouths of babes," they say.  Certainly we are here to teach them and raise them, but I honestly believe that children teach us as much about the world and ourselves as we teach them.  It's the beauty of childhood. It causes us to slow down and view things through new, less jaded eyes.  Maybe that is why Christ so loved children.  Maybe too, should we put more esteem in these little hearts and minds.

All pictures from: https://picasaweb.google.com/104310456403281787387/GiantLIFEBalloonRosarySeenByThousandsOverChicagoSDowntown

More on my time away, the "surgery files"

Upon returning, I finally went back to the doctor to have a surgeon check out my umbilical hernia. One of the many badges of motherhood, I guess, except in this case, the surgeon was concerned that I would be in trouble if I didn't get it repaired.  So, come last week...well, it's Saturday, so a week and half ago?  In I went for surgery.  Having never had a single surgery before, I was a little frightened.  But, all thankfully went well.  Waking up was painful and not the least bit untrippy.  It's so strange to lose a chunk of your life like that.  My surgery was outpatient, so after some pain-killer induced sleep in the recovery room, and some very interesting dreams, (no I won't share them, and no they aren't THAT kind of dream!  Shame on you!) we were off to our house.  Recovery has been slow and it's so hard to hold myself back every day.  I'm afraid to push to hard and injure myself, but as any of you moms know, it's hard to be down for the count when you care for two littles.

My parents and friends have shown up to the task and really offered help in the form of meals and support and hands to babysit and hold the baby.  It's been the ultimate exercise in humility.  It can be so hard to rely on others for what you need, and yet I imagine that it's what we really need to do with life.  Serve others, and allow them to serve us.  Sometimes it's harder to allow the serving than to do it.  I've also had great opportunity to "offer up" my pain. It's a learning curve to figure out how to nurse an older infant without causing pain to yourself.  It can be quite the task to keep a three year old from jumping on his mama in his unbridled enthusiasm.  Once my son started running, I've referred to him as the golden retriever puppy due to his great joy in experiencing life and the cute rambunctiousness. :)  I am completely grateful for all of the help and love that has poured my way.  Our community of family and friends are nothing short of miraculous.

Peace of Christ be with you

I truly think that everyone I know either has two children, or is pregnant with their second.  Painful!  It is one of the hardest things.  I always thought having a child meant that I wouldn't go through this degree of pain again.  The first two miscarriages were horrible because I thought that I would never have a child.  This one is hard because I am ready for another child, and I really hope that my son will not be an only-child.  It's not that I think there is anything wrong with only children.  I just really want him to experience siblings.  My sister and I were pretty close growing up, and I think that he deserves a similar experience.  I understand that there is no telling how close they might be, but I do hope he will have that one of these days.

In the meantime, I keep saying Seven Sorrows Rosaries.  I think they actually help me feel a little better with my suffering and sorrow.  I know I'll never feel 100% great about this situation, but at least it gives me a chance to improve my feelings.  There is a retreat in my parish coming up in a week, and I am so looking forward to it because it will give me a chance to enhance my relationship with God.  It seems like it's suffering a little right now, all my pain is making it hard to turn to Him.  I know that will change someday.  Hopefully the retreat will speed that up.  This feeling is abhorrable! 

Exhausted!

It's been such a long day. I started the morning with a speeding ticket which I want to attribute to the city closing both exits around the street that I needed. I wasn't used to driving on that stretch of road to get to my destination. But really, I guess it was just my driving. I could swear that I was with the speed of traffic, though! *sigh*

I followed that up by grocery shopping and putting away loads of laundry, and now I have a whiny child. What I wouldn't give for a break. What did Mary do during her long days? How did she do it? I imagine she managed much more gracefully than I usually do. I'm a much less cheerful mother on days like this. All I really want is a good nap, and none is in sight. Sorry for the complaints. It's just that kind of day today.

So little time...

I'm terrible about blogging often.  It's become hard with this pregnancy and keeping up with my son.  We've been getting ready for my son's upcoming second birthday and the arrival of my in-laws.  We'll have a great time, but it's a bit crazy in the meantime.  My poor, amazing husband did most of the work this weekend, trying to get ready while I laid on the couch feeling terrible.   (Both physically, and for not having the energy to help him a little more.) 

I have to admit, that I'm starting to feel guilty for the changes that will be coming into our home in the next few months.  I love my son dearly, and know that I will love any future children the same, but it still makes me sad that our little daily duo is going to be broken up.  I love the time that we have together.  I am sad that I will not have the same time for him ever again.  I know that I need to use up every moment in the coming months so that we can enjoy our time together while it's just us. 

A sibling is one of the greatest gifts that you can ever give your child- one that will hopefully last long after you are gone.  I understand that, intrinsically, yet there is part of me that wants to hang on to what we have, just a little bit.  I feel bad that I will not be able to spend the same quality time with the new baby as I did with our oldest.  It's something that I know we will get through but ah- the emotions!  I'm sure that the pregnancy hormones are playing a large part in all of it! :)   Well, here's to the next several months. May this pregnancy be healthy.  May the next months bring amazing times and calmer emotions.  May my son be so close with this baby, and hopefully I will be able to give them both what they need to the best of my abilities.