Ever grateful!

This experience post-surgery has really taught me so much about my family and my friends.  My mother has been helping almost around the clock.  Not easy!  It's hard working taking care of a small child and an infant (last week, I was also included in that mix).  Whew!  I know it wasn't easy for her or my husband when he had the duty on the weekends, because I can't imagine an adult with little capability into the mix.  I live the child care portion, and I know what work that is, but to add someone else must have been exhausting!  My mother and husband both really stepped in and showed their love for our family.  The self-sacrifice that they showed in caring for us really impressed me.  At one point, I would need something, the baby would be crying and the preschooler would be running around yelling.  Chaos!  If it was a sitcom, it may have been amusing. Can't you picture the episode?  Oh, and add in large dog with his own needs, I'm sure you can picture the constant work.  But, they managed and we all lived to tell the story.  I'm not saying that anyone else has it easier, I'm sure larger families only have more on their plates.  For me, though, this was an example of extreme self giving and love.

Our friends too, have stepped in to help me when my parents could not. They came to the house to care for the three of us, mostly carrying the baby since I could not. (Ugh!)  They brought meals, and more importantly, said prayers.  I am ever thankful for the Lord's mercy and grace that He provides.  Without the amazing people that He put in my life, his process would have been so much more difficult.  Friends and family can truly be a witness of Christ in action!

Nature's beauty

How can you deny that there is a God?  (Excuse the light pole, but I was in a parking lot when I saw that beautiful light breaking through.)

Floating away with our prayers

I'm certainly not ahead of the curve with talking about this, I'm sure, but I wanted to discuss the "balloon rosary" that was launched on August 15 in Chicago.  I don't know if there is a more innovative or breathtaking example of witness than this idea.  While I understand that it may have offended some, I think it is absolutely one of the best ideas that I've seen in awhile for reaching people and making them think about "life".  I mean that both in the respect that they were intending as a pro-life example, but also life in general.  It awakens your thoughts to contemplating God and your prayer life.  If I were to suddenly and unexpectedly see a rosary floating by, I'm pretty sure that it would encourage me to take a little time out to pray.  That's not a bad reaction to inspire.  It's interesting to ponder that floating rosary causing countless numbers of people to take a few minutes from their day to say a quick prayer.  That is power!  That is strength!  It is such a small act...although I imagine that it took some time to assemble the rosary, but it is so dramatic and poignant.  We don't need to beat people over the head with the harsh parts of life and especially the pro-life movement when more subtle actions can have a greater affect on the hearts of many.

I love too, that this was an idea from a group of children.  Children are here to speak to us.  They have more wisdom that we sometimes credit them with possessing.  As a parent though, I'm often stunned and humbled by how quickly my son can get to the heart of the matter.  "Out of the mouths of babes," they say.  Certainly we are here to teach them and raise them, but I honestly believe that children teach us as much about the world and ourselves as we teach them.  It's the beauty of childhood. It causes us to slow down and view things through new, less jaded eyes.  Maybe that is why Christ so loved children.  Maybe too, should we put more esteem in these little hearts and minds.

All pictures from: https://picasaweb.google.com/104310456403281787387/GiantLIFEBalloonRosarySeenByThousandsOverChicagoSDowntown

More on my time away, the "surgery files"

Upon returning, I finally went back to the doctor to have a surgeon check out my umbilical hernia. One of the many badges of motherhood, I guess, except in this case, the surgeon was concerned that I would be in trouble if I didn't get it repaired.  So, come last week...well, it's Saturday, so a week and half ago?  In I went for surgery.  Having never had a single surgery before, I was a little frightened.  But, all thankfully went well.  Waking up was painful and not the least bit untrippy.  It's so strange to lose a chunk of your life like that.  My surgery was outpatient, so after some pain-killer induced sleep in the recovery room, and some very interesting dreams, (no I won't share them, and no they aren't THAT kind of dream!  Shame on you!) we were off to our house.  Recovery has been slow and it's so hard to hold myself back every day.  I'm afraid to push to hard and injure myself, but as any of you moms know, it's hard to be down for the count when you care for two littles.

My parents and friends have shown up to the task and really offered help in the form of meals and support and hands to babysit and hold the baby.  It's been the ultimate exercise in humility.  It can be so hard to rely on others for what you need, and yet I imagine that it's what we really need to do with life.  Serve others, and allow them to serve us.  Sometimes it's harder to allow the serving than to do it.  I've also had great opportunity to "offer up" my pain. It's a learning curve to figure out how to nurse an older infant without causing pain to yourself.  It can be quite the task to keep a three year old from jumping on his mama in his unbridled enthusiasm.  Once my son started running, I've referred to him as the golden retriever puppy due to his great joy in experiencing life and the cute rambunctiousness. :)  I am completely grateful for all of the help and love that has poured my way.  Our community of family and friends are nothing short of miraculous.

Apparently my timing needs work.

The "lightning restaurant"

I think I'm functioning on "paper publishing" turnaround rather than that of a blog!  I apologize!  Life gets busy and it feels as though I barely have a second to sit and write.  I think that maybe this will improve with my oldest starting preschool this year (!) and I'll hopefully manage more than a post every four months.  LOL

Again, my apologies. We were on vacation.  A wonderful trip to the beach: St. George Island, FL.  I guess I should say an eventful trip to the beach.  A waterspout hit the main line to the island and we were all without power for about three days.  Three days without air conditioning.  Three days where my husband and I scrambled to keep two little ones cool.  Intense heat and small children scares me.  Even more so, when one of those children is only seven months old.  We all survived, though.  Survived with stories to tell both to the kids and among the rest of our family.  This beach trip is almost an annual reunion of sorts for my husband's family.  It will go down in beach vacation history along with the year our rental house was hit by lightning, and the year that we had to evacuate due to hurricane.

This year also, we ended up out in storm that produced a lightning strike on the beach in front of the open air restaurant where we had all just arrived for dinner.  It hit and I, having just handed off my infant daughter to my mother-in-law, immediately hit the decks in an unwitting attempt to protect the child no longer in my arms.  My sister-in-law let out a stream of words that would make a sailor blush, and a random woman grabbed my brother-in-law in a bear hug while the rest of the patrons screamed.  Needless to say, my son is now afraid of both lightning and thunder.  And well, storms in general.

So we got through the beach, and then my children and I embarked on a trip to spend a week with my in-laws in anticipation of a wedding for one of my husband's college friends.  I didn't want the kids having to travel back and forth in such short succession.  In hindsight, this made for a very frazzled mama.  (And truthfully, two grateful grandparents...so in the end maybe that made it worth it.)

The Unintentional Lactivist

When I had my son, I always planned to breastfeed.  It was important to me.  I hoped that maybe if I did, he would avoid the horrible allergies that I had growing up.  Kleenex-box-in-every-room-and-the-car allergies.  Immunology-shot allergies.  So I nursed him.  I kept that up for nearly two years with desperate hopes that maybe he would be saved from what I felt was a curse.  I was certain that breastfeeding imparted some sort of protection because of the very scientific evidence of my sister and me.  My mom could only nurse me for four months, my sister went for fourteen.  Guess who didn't have allergies?  (Or not many to speak of, anyway.)

So, I nursed and in public, even with my nursing cover, I was a little timid.  It felt like the whole world was watching me and it made me feel like I had to watch when I did or did not do it.  It probably didn't help that my mom was a little neurotic about it all, freaking out that someone might see me.  Okay, she was truly supportive, just still neurotic. I did alright, but never truly felt comfortable.  Ultimately by 23 months, I was tired of him climbing all over me, and felt I had really given it my best shot.  My goal had really only been one year, anyway. So we worked on weaning and I cherish the relationship we developed.

Fast-forward three years to baby #2.  Maybe it is the fact that I had so much time under my belt from the first one.  Maybe I've just become less self-concious. All I know is that I'm nursing when and where I need to this time around.  I still cover myself as much as possible, but I will nurse her when she needs.  That's a warning to anyone who wants to give me guff for it.  I've had my share of people staring incredulously while I pull on the cover, latch her on and then proceed to walk behind my son.  Maybe their awed by my super-duper breastfeeding skills.  haha  I really feel as if they are saying, "What are you doing nursing her like that here?!?!  Shouldn't you find a corner?"  Thankfully, no one has called me out on it because they might have heard an earful.

And that's what I mean when I say that I've become an unintentional lactivist. I think breastfeeding, if you can do it, is best.  I think that extended breastfeeding is even better for sake of immunity.  There are those pushing me right now to start solids, and I will soon, but starting purely because she is 6 months old seems like a silly reason to me.  I've done the research, exclusive breastfeeding through 7 months increases the likelihood of your child avoiding anemia.  Iron is more readily accessible in breastmilk.  I decided to wait.  It just strikes me as funny that in three short years, I've become so comfortable.

I was struck the other day by the thought that Mary probably breastfed Jesus when and where he needed it.  They probably didn't have the same taboos as we do today, because there was no formula.  People weren't offended because that was just how babies ate.  I cannot imagine that Mary would look down at her baby and say, "Well this is not only my child but my God, however I am not going to feed him right now because someone might be uncomfortable."  Same is true for me.

A million years later, I return

So much has happened since I started trying to keep this blog that I'm not sure I can capture it all right now, especially in the midst of naptime.  I just know that once I get on a roll, someone is going to interrupt me!  And so maybe that is where I should begin.  In the past year and a half since I started the blog, we have added a new baby girl to our family.  And then there were four!  (And what a birth story, but I'll save that for another day.)  Most days I love it immensely and cannot thank God enough for blessing me with this life I call my own.  The smiles and the laughs keep me going and build me up.  My two little ones make living completely worth it.  Even when both are crying and one is throwing up.  (Not that those are fun days...)  There are of course the occasional days where I'm a zombie by the time my beloved husband comes home, but isn't that life?  It's just par for the course to me.  Even working would provide me with a day like that.

When I started writing, I was in the throes of grief.  We had been through three miscarriages.  Three.  One I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  Three was the kind of drag you to the bottom of the ocean pain that I never thought I would survive.  I was BITTER.  I was mad at God and I just wanted to take it out on someone.  Yet, we survived.  We grew stronger.  Our family is that much more for what we have been through.  I just had yet to realize that.  I had yet to determine that maybe I was not being "smote" for some past wrong doing, maybe things just happen.  Bad, sucky, hard things.  They do.  They happen, and we glean what bit of knowledge that we can from them, and we move on.  Some days that is easier said than done.

It took attending and participating in Christ Renews His Parish to really see God's hand in my life.  To view this change as a blessing in disguise.  I now fully believe that there will be a day when I get to see and hold my little babies.  In the meantime, they are in the best care possible...God's Hands.  Could I ask for more?  Isn't that what I'd ultimately want for my current children on Earth?  We raise our kids hoping that someday they will make it to heaven.  Well, I believe that in God's infinite mercy, my babies are up there.  Had we had the ability to baptize these little lost babies before they made their way beyond, we certainly would have.  It brings me such peace, joy and happiness to believe that.

Here's what I've learned from all of this:
1.  God is great.  He is merciful and loving.  He has a plan, no matter how hard it seems.  Christ holds us up and helps us to keep moving even when we feel that we can't take another step.  We are not alone.

2.  Conception may be hard for us, but it will be worth it.  I've come to terms with the realization that anytime we hope to have children, it may take awhile.  We may end up miscarrying again, maybe more than once.  While that thought brings me some degree of pain, I also am now aware of how strong we really are, and that we can get through it.  I KNOW how special my little ones are to me, and that even if we suffer, they make every day brighter while we have them here.

3.  Plans don't work out as you'd expect.  Trite, I know.  And yet, that doesn't stop every other person from asking us if we are done having children or when we might try again. (Even as we are raising a 6 month-old and a 3.5 year old.)  I answer honestly.  I don't know.  I have no idea what might happen when.  I have no idea if we'll be able to have more children.  I'd love it, and I know God already knows that, but it's not up to me.  If it were up to me, I would probably not have been through our past trials, and I think I would appreciate my current state a little less.  That's not to say that everyone who easily has children takes them for granted, but it does mean that I might have.  I know in the depths of my heart that if I hadn't been through this process, I would probably forget how valuable my children are, especially during the hard days.  Now, I just remind myself how desperately I wanted to be here.  That's always a good, swift kick in the pants!

4.  Life is good. I've said it previously, and it still rings true.  I never feel the need to stop marveling at how amazing my life has become, how much the Lord has blessed me.  I hope that I'm passing on these blessings to meet his satisfaction.  It's truly a humbling experience to be a wife and mother.  I am just so thrilled to be along for the ride!